Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
