I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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