Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
