we have pet lesbian snakes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize