I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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