ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What a dumb baby whore.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
