Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
