so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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