There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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