and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm bleeding and have questions
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
