"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
