I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
