Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
