We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how does that bad decision feel?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
