i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
