We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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