And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize