no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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