why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
