We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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