Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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