I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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