i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
