you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
