Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
