the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
