the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
