Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
