I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
