I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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