It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
