just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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