Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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