sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
