Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
