I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
