This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
