During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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