my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize