I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
