Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
