I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
