Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
His nipple licking is glorious
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