Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
