Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
