Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
