I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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