I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
