This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
