Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
