peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
