I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
