she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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