She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
