He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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