Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize