just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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