Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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