Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize