Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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