He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
