So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize