the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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