I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
