well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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