1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
