I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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