So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
