Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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