Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
