May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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