I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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