he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
