i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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