So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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